The TWILIGHT ZONE PARODY

The Twilight Zone Porn Parody starring Jessica Jaymes, Evan Stone, Kylee Reese, Chayse Evans, Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Jack Lawrence, Eric Masterson and directed by Paul Thomas


The Plot: A new couple moves into a neighborhood at the beginning of the sexual revolution and have an effect on the other residents of Venture Lane.... or do they?

: I've seen some complaints that this movie isn't really a parody of The Twilight Zone. It doesn't start with similar music to remind you of the TV show and you don't see the narrator. However, there are some elements reminiscent of the original TV show: There is a voice over at the start and end of the movie, plus it has a very slight twist at the end and presents a moral lesson. I think people tend to forget that not every one of the original TV episodes were gems, some episodes were merely okay and The Twilight Zone Porn Parody would fall into the "okay" category easily.


All the acting was fine in the movie, which should be expected since it starred some of the top talents in the adult industry: Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Evan Stone, and Eric Masterson. My biggest gripe with The Twilight Zone Porn Parody is Paul Thomas went to the trouble to costume the women with period type undergarments and June Cleaver pearls. This was supposed to make you feel it was the late 1950's/early 1960s, but then Thomas cast females with lots of tattoos which just seemed incongruous. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend The Twilight Zone Porn Parody, it's just an average movie and as such rates a C.

TWINS DO SCIENCE

Twins Do Science starring Lacey Love, Lyndsey Love, James Deen, Jack Lawrence, Brooke, Daisy, Steven St. Croix, Frank Bukkwyd and directed by Paul Thomas



The Plot: Dim-witted twins Lacey and Lyndsey Love have been living off their grandpa for years. When he dies they think they have it made, but to their disappointment they find they have to work in the field of science for a year before they can inherit his money. On top of that, they won't get an allowance, but will have to live off whatever they earn.



Their first assignment is to pick up some semen samples which, of course, they manage to lose. They call up some friends to help them collect some more samples - too bad they didn't know what they lost was bull semen and NOT human semen.



: Twins Do Science had the look and feel of a cheaply made cable TV "young teen" production. The bad acting of The Love Twins was a good fit, since they were suppose to be a couple of air-heads (heck, who knows, maybe they weren't acting). The main problem with Twins Do Science was the sex scenes. Twins Do Science could have been a fairly enjoyable light-hearted sex romp of a movie, but The Twins were incapable of any type of realistic performances during their sex scenes. At one point, one of The Twins actually takes time to look at her watch. Who knew a porno could be ruined by the sex scenes?



Twins Do Science ended with the plot leading you to believe this would be the first in a series - I shudder to think there could have been a Twins Do Science 2. Twins Do Science would rate an F-, but since there were a couple of funny scenes (with the opening scene being the standout) and the movie had its own catchy theme song "Twins Twins Everybody Wins", I'm going to rate this one a D-

CHAUFFEUR'S DAUGHTER

Chauffeur's Daughter starring Lanny Barby, Kelly Wells, Paulina James, Kimberly Franklin, Ava Lauren, Victoria Valentino, Manuel Ferrara, James Deen, Herschel Savage, Kurt Lockwood, Jay Ashley and directed by Paul Thomas.

The Plot: The chauffeur's daughter (Lanny Barby) is madly in love with her father's employer's son Tony (James Deen). The son also loves her, but they are from two different worlds and his mother doesn't approve. Lanny is going to finishing school in Paris and Tony is being encourage to marry a socialite. Can their love survive long distance? Will Tony cave to his mother's demands? Tune in tomorrow to find out on As The World Turns....OOPS! I meant Chauffeur's Daughter!

: I keep thinking one day I'll see a movie by Paul Thomas that will make me realize he really is the genius that he thinks he is....but Chauffeur's Daughter is not that film. And I'm saying that with fondness, because I think P.T. really tries to add something to the world of feature XXX movies. Besides the soap opera-ish plot as described above (which I guess could be considered a novel idea), the movie is really just your "run of the mill" XXX movie with sex scenes broken up occasionally by plot exposition. At times the plot appears rushed (or badly edited) to get to the sex scene leaving the viewer to wonder why the sex scene is taking place other than the fact they're watching a XXX movie. Plus the movie is filled with bad boob jobs and while that may not be a turn-off for everyone, it certainly detracts from my enjoyment of any XXX movie. I rate this one a solid D

LUST ON THE ORIENT XPRESS

The back of the box actually has a pretty decent summation of the movie: "Nick (John Leslie) and Nora (Gina Carrera) Chalmers write mystery novels...steamy, sexy mystery novels. In search of plots for their next book, they travel to Europe to experience the passion, desire and intrigue on the legendary Orient Express. Once on board, they discover a cast of shady (and horny) characters including a Potent Potentate and his Hand Job Hand Maiden, Horny Colonel Kittridge, and the anything but Lady Like Ashley and her Sex Starved Secretary - all plotting to steal a priceless diamond. "The Eye of Eros". It's a four day erotic adventure where it's not whodunnit, but who's doing it, that counts."

Lust On The Orient Xpress (LOOX) was made in the waning days of the Golden Age of porn, but definitely qualifies as a Golden Age movie with its well thought out logical plot that progresses the storyline from start to finish. LOOX was a big budget porn in 1986 with scenes shot outside a train, realistic movie sets inside different train cars and even insert shots of a real train pulling in and out of train stations. Another plus are the period costumes that everyone gets to wear. All of these elements add up to a pretty decent movie.

In LOOX, John Leslie proves he was as good an actor as any second string actor in movies and TV during this same time period. Everyone's acting for the most part is pretty good with one exception: Tracey Adams, who tries to do a Cockney accent, but somehow manages to sound American Southern and British at the same time....maybe she's from South London :-)

The worst parts of LOOX are the sex scenes, which are all deadly dull. Without them of course, this wouldn't be a XXX feature, it would just be a fairly decent "Made For TV" movie (actually better than some). The sex scenes were "shoehorned" into the movie, instead of having situations that led naturally to them, making them just as irritating as many sex scenes in modern day XXX features. Even discounting for the sex scenes, this one still rates a solid B


John Leslie, Gina Carrera, Jamie Gillis, Pat Manning, Eric Edwards, Tracey Adams, Andrew Herbert, Keli Richards, Jim Woodman, Paul Thomas, Francis Papillion, Raymond Roberts, F. Powers Gireau, Jennifer Lacy, Nich Kypros and directed by Tim McDonald

A FORMAL FAUCETT

How bad is this movie...even the lead actress, Dorothy LeMay, has been quoted as saying; "She ran out of the theater crying after seeing her first film A Formal Faucett, she felt that it was a "disaster" because her voice was dubbed over with someone else's, and it "didn't make sense". She had worked on A Formal Faucett 18 hours a day for three days. The experience bothered her so much that she considered getting out of the business.

The idea for the movie and the fact that Dorothy LeMay was cast in the lead role was because she was supposed to be a lookalike for Farrah Fawcett. Below are photos of Dorothy and Farrah - I guess I could make some snide remark here, but I'll let you be the judge...maybe my eyesight is too good!!


As for the movie not making any sense, I'll have to agree with Dorothy there. The movie appears that it is going to be a spoof of Charlie's Angels: A Formal Faucett has a mysterious voice on the phone (Paul Thomas) giving call girls their assignments....yes, that's correct...not spy assignments....sexual liaisons assignments. And that's as close to anything resembling Charlie's Angels that you are going to see in this movie.

Here are the only notes I made when I watched A Formal Faucett: All the actors seem to be very uninspired. The lead actress is one of the worst porn actresses I have ever seen. Her only acting ability is rolling her eyes back in her head...actually it got to be funny watching her do this after a while. Thankfully, the movie is very short.

Ms. Lemay had done some loops previous to her appearance in this, her first feature film. I understand that she is lauded for some of her future work, none of which I have seen, and that she was even inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame in 1998. So, I'm guessing Dorothy improved after this first feature. As it is, considering what she thought of the movie, I don't think she would argue with my grade of F

A Formal Faucett starring Dorothy LeMay, Desiree Cousteau, Laurie Blue, Norma Jean, Guy Austin, Tina Austin, Paul Thomas and directed by Fred Lincoln

PIPE DREAMS

Take a pinch of David Stanley (the writer) and a pinch of Paul Thomas (the director) add in some Manuel Ferrara and Janine (the actors) and what do you get? One Hell of A Bad Movie.

The first two sex scenes in Pipe Dreams revolve around Manuel doing plumbing jobs. In the first scene there's a couple having sex almost right next to Manuel (there was a curtain dividing them). Guess they had to do something to pass the time while the plumbing was being fixed. The next scene finds Manuel doing a plumbing job at an S/M club and the owner can't pay him, so he lets Manuel watch some kinky sex. Usually in a porno it's the plumber who is having the sex, but I guess David Stanley and Paul Thomas really wanted to show how creative they are and turn the story upside down. (That last sentence is NOT to be taken seriously.)

Manuel's brother Paul Thomas makes XXX movies (wow, what a casting choice, wonder how he got that part). Yes, you read correctly, for some strange reason, Paul and Manuel are brothers, even though Manuel has an accent that you can barely understand.... maybe they're foster brothers.... or maybe they're soul brothers...no I don't think that could be it.....hell, just make up your own reason, since there's no logic behind it and I'm tired of thinking about it. Anyway, Manuel wants to meet a woman and the brothers come up with a plan for a fake porn movie. Manuel will do the casting and that will allow him to meet women. Oh yeah, let's not forget that Manuel also has to write the script for the movie. Hey! Manuel just write down all the things you have seen as a plumber....the script will be done in no time.

Manuel's first audition is going to be Janine, even though Paul Thomas doesn't think she can act. Before she arrives at the fake casting, Paul and Manuel watch a tape of Janine. I'm sure this had to be in the script, since it is a recurring (and cheating in my opinion) way that David Stanley includes a sex scene in a movie without having to write plot. Manuel and Janine really click with each other, plus the script that Manuel wrote turns out to be so good that Paul decides to really shoot the movie.

Manuel finds out that Janine is on the kinky S/M side and Pipe Dreams takes a turn to this kinky side for the rest of the movie. I've read that Pipe Dreams was a take on a Japanese horror movie, so I'm guessing that what happens to Manuel near the end of the movie is the horror part....the horror part for me was sitting through an hour and half of this lousy movie. I rate this one a solid D

Pipe Dreams starring Melissa Lauren, Justine Joli, Austin Kincaid, Venus, Janine, Paul Thomas, Sofia Sandobar, Manuel Ferrara, Jerry, Steven St. Croix and directed by Paul Thomas.

DEBBIE DOES NEW ORLEANS

I'm a sucker for any movie set in New Orleans, so of course, Debbie Does New Orleans is in my personal collection of movies set in New Orleans.

Eccentric New Orleans has some behind the scenes photos from the movie, plus filming locations and locals who are in the movie.



Some notes on the people you will see on Eccentric New Orleans and who appear in Debbie Does New Orleans:

Lucky Cheng's was a restaurant with a floor show and all the waitresses and performers were Drag Queens. I saw Star Lady last year in New Orleans outside The Gumbo Shop. The Royal Street singing group is still going, although I believe there is only one of the performers in the movie that is still in the group.

The plot: Debbie has a chance to be a cheerleader at the Super Bowl, but she can't decide whether to go to New Orleans or not, since her fiancé says he needs her to help him at the motel he runs. But Debbie catches him cheating on her, so she takes off for New Orleans to pursue her own dreams. Debbie winds up being coveted by some sex fiends who want to see her in a sex show at a club located outside New Orleans in the swamp. She refuses, but her fiancé has been captured and is going to be anally raped unless Debbie takes his place on stage, which she does. All of this causes Debbie to miss her big cheerleading shot and she winds back up at the motel cleaning up, while her fiancé is back to his old ways of cheating on her.

Now besides the fact that I enjoyed seeing the New Orleans location shots, this is a pretty decent movie, even if the plot does break down in places. The thing that I found most interesting was what I guess might be called the message of the movie. Debbie rescues her fiancé from being raped, but he continues to cheat on her afterwards anyway. What's the message? Are guys suppose to think, the girl will stay with me no matter what I do. Are women suppose to think, he's just always going to be a cheater, there's nothing I can do about it, even if causes me to miss my own chance at happiness. Just seems like a mixed message to me.

My only other thought is the threat of anal rape used in Debbie Does New Orleans. I haven't seen enough Paul Thomas movies to know if this is a running theme in his movies, but find it curious to that in 1999's Debbie Does New Orleans and in 2008's Cry Wolf, male anal rape or the threat of male anal rape is contained in both movies.

Debbie Does New Orleans starring Sky, Temptress, Chandler, Wendy Divine, Alexandra Nice, Vivian Valentine, Alexa, Maya, Erik Everhard, Eric Masterson, T.T. Boy, Bobby Vitale, Devin Wolf, Dillion Day, Steve Taylor and directed by Paul Thomas

Layout

The basic plot of the movie revolves around a magazine called AVG (Adult Video Guide) and the movie is meant to be a take on AVN (Adult Video News). The back of the box blurb: "Hollywood, CA - A young reporter accepts a position at adult trade mag powerhouse AVG, and becomes immersed in the strange world where pornography and journalism meet. Gradually he grows from an eager cub reporter into a sophisticated writer, surviving the distractions and pitfalls one would expect in the pornalism game...like full-on bondage and non-stop, hardcore anal sex...stop the presses! Briana Banks is the lead ... Tom Byron's the sidebar ... and Paul Thomas is at the desk. Any resemblance to AVN is purely intentional."

The movie's purpose was either to rip open the world of porn journalism and show us how things work behind the scenes or have us see how kinky these people all are. While both of these themes may be of interest to those working in the world of porn journalism, it didn't do a lot for me.

The best part of the plot was Kylie Ireland, playing a retired superstar trying to make a comeback She seduces AVG reporter Marcos Leon as part of her scheme to gain favorable press coverage.

Layout includes a couple of "on the set" porn shoots. The outdoor one is horrible and shot badly. The indoor one - The Three Muskatettes with Hillary Scott, Brooke Haven, Briana Banks, and Evan Stone was much better. And of course, our man Evan, gets to play dress up.

The movie was shot on film (and I think part video). There are some parts of the film that are dark and grainy. If you're going to shoot on film and can't have good lighting, why bother.

My only other comment on the movie is "When did Tom Byron get old!"

I appreciate the fact that Paul Thomas does strive to put more content into his movies than some directors; however, I would still grade Layout as only an average modern day porn movie.

Layout starring Penny Flame, Hillary Scott, Briana Banks, Haley Scott, Kylie Ireland, Brooke Haven, Marcos Leon, Joey, Barry Scott, Evan Stone, Tom Byron, Jerry, Kurt Lockwood, Tyce Bune and directed by Paul Thomas.

CRY WOLF

I had delayed reviewing Cry Wolf since one of my favorite reviewers GORE-GORE GIRL had given it such a great review. I thought that if I let some time pass, my outlook on Cry Wolf might change. You should definitely read her review for a different outlook from mine. And since she goes over the plot, I won't attempt to here.



I just didn't like the movie and I really don't have any good reasons not to like Cry Wolf. Since there were a lot of good things about the movie:

1. Monique Alexander is the lead actress and she carries the movie as good as any mainstream actress. Her performance in act one is one of the best that I have ever seen in a porn movie and would hold up in a mainstream movie.

2. Mr. Marcus, the lead actor was also very capable in his acting. Actually all the actors/actresses in the movie were well qualified with their acting chops.

3. Monique Alexander has one of the best natural bodies in current porn movies.

4. Steven St. Croix is in the movie. One of the better porn actors that always seems to add something to any role he plays.

5.The sex scenes weren't overly long.

6. Cry Wolf is very well plotted. Remember a porn movie has to include sex scenes, this usually causes the plot to be weaker, since it doesn't leave as much time in a standard two hour movie. That is why you will find some of the better plotted porns running into the three hour mark. But Cry Wolf delivers on plot and sex and all in just over two hours.

7. The Direction is top rate.

But despite all of these things, the movie didn't do it for me. I know I'm looking for plots in porn movies, and as I stated this was well plotted. The only thing that threw the plot off a little bit, for me, was at the end of act one, one of the twists that is going to come later in the movie is telegraphed.

Another thing that threw me off was the juxtaposition of scenes. There would be a well developed scene with plot and sex and then it seemed that each one of these scenes would be followed by a standard porn scene. I saw some speculation on the web that Paul Anderson didn't direct this movie. However, I have no doubt that Paul Anderson (who once remarked that he wanted to be the "Orson Welles of Porn") did the direction. There could be a possibility that he left some of the weaker scenes to someone else to direct.

I don't know, I just didn't like the movie. I thought maybe it was because Mr. X-Ray usually likes a little bit of comedy in his porn....and Cry Wolf is deadly serious(Vivid calls it a psychodrama)......but I'm currently about half way through Fallen, which is primarily a drama and it is a lot more interesting.

Changing the pace from the serious to funny, I'm including the below Monique Alexander video from YouTube.