by I. Humphrey
IgnatsHumphrey@aol.com
Howard Stern may bill himself as Mr. Originality, but his exhibitionistic flunky Sal Governale's new name should be Mr. Copycat. As an investigative reporter I feel somewhat foolish writing about something as insubstantial and nutty as Sal's penis. Seriously, of all the acts Sal could rip-off, wasn't there a more interesting bit than contorting his uncircumcised pecker into stupid shapes?
Yesterday while Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno character appeared on The Howard Stern Show, Sal pulled down his pants and debuted his "drill bit" penis puppet. The "drill bit" is created when Sal pulls his foreskin forward, and twists it like a rubber band into a shape resembling a drill bit. Today Sal's foreskin made an encore appearance as a "drill bit" and "a bird eating a worm." Sal's repertoire is growing exponentially. Wednesday's show will undoubtedly feature twice as many penis puppets.
Penis Puppetry exploded on the stage over eleven-years ago in Melbourne, Australia. The originators and performers were Simon Morley and David Friend. Their web site is: www.puppetryofthepenis.com. If Sal is going to steal someone's act, the least he could do is give them credit. And Howard, as the King of All Media must surely be aware of the fact that Sal's new act is stolen property.
Culture aficionados, and theater lovers will be happy to learn that Penis Puppetry is alive and well and living in New York, on Broadway's Great White Way. For tickets Click Here. The show runs 90-minutes with a 15-minute intermission in case you need to throw-up, or stroke your own meat-puppet and run-a-batch. People with orchestra seats should wear goggles.
If your idea of fun is spending an evening on Broadway watching two men play with themselves, then you'll enjoy cozying up with a cup of warm milk and a copy of Puppetry of The Penis (ironically ranked higher than Howard Stern's Private Parts on Amazon.com), also available as a DVD. Speaking of Howard Stern, he's invented a few penis puppets of his own called, acorn, worm-in-the-bush, Where's Waldo?, and find the Jew.
If there is any justice in the world, Sal will be thrown into the slammer where he can show off his penis puppetry to an inmate audience hungry for quality entertainment. I'm sure Sal's cellmate will be happy to introduce Sal to his own drill bit.
If Penis Puppetry isn't your bag, then whip out your labia and dive into Puppetry of The Vagina as performed by Sharon O'Taint.
For Howard Shrine Spews & Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "if you do cool stuff with your cock you better get it tattooed with a copyright symbol, beyaaaatch."
... you know, one really has to wonder what Sal Governale a.k.a. Sal The Stockbroker's former clients think when they listen to Sal play with his penis on The Howard Stern Show. Imagine having invested, and then lost money with Sal. Is the missing money in his pouch? This is more outrageous than the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme. The S.E.C. should audit Sal's cock. Is penis puppetry part of the Series 7 Stockbroker License test? Can Sal shape his penis into a dollar sign, or into a key and pick a lock? And, what kind of country do we live in where there's almost ten percent unemployment, and yet an attention whore who makes puppets with his penis foreskin can use the fruits of his labor to buy a brand new Cadillac? On the loan application, where it says occupation, did Sal write, "puppeteer?" Based upon Gary Dell'Abate's comment that the penis puppet segment was "radio gold," and "a renaissance of faggotry," Sal's next penis puppet should be a Bababooey toothbrush with "toothpaste." Advice to Sal: If you want your greedy, spoiled, materialistic wife to touch your soprassata sausage you should try keeping the credit cards in your pouch. ... And I'm spent. Whew!
Photo from HowardStern.com -- notice how it only takes one or two pixilations to cover the puppet.
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