Porn Star Haiku: Joanna Angel

Punk-ish, Jewish, from Jersey.

What I love about you!

And anal too!

RENDEZVOUS

I haven't had much luck with David Stanley movies. While nothing has been bad, I've only seen one (Carmen Goes South) that I felt was anything more than average. Rendezvous is no exception, but it does have some of the better adult actors involved in the production: Carmen Hart, Randy Spears, and Eric Masterson.

Rendezvous begins with Randy Spears going on a business trip and we find that he is married to Jamie Huxley, who cares nothing for Randy. When Randy arrives at his hotel (which appears to be in some Third World Country), he is greeted by Eric Masterson, an insane desk clerk. Eric Masterson shows us he can get his crazy on with the best of them (i.e. Steven St. Croix). At first Eric tells Randy that he doesn't have a room for him, but eventually agrees to give him a room.

Randy can't get his wife on the phone and we see that she is busy having sex with Barrett Blade. Randy falls asleep and dreams that a lovely woman is rubbing her feet and legs all over him. Much to his surprise, when he awakes he finds Carmen Hart is in his bed. It seems that this is her room and she freaks out finding Randy in her bed and kicks him out.

Randy tries to deal with the insane desk clerk again but only gets sent back to share the room with Carmen, who for some reason, now doesn't object. On his return to the room, Randy finds Carmen is watching a porno on the TV and he watches along with her. This is a porn plot that I always consider a cheating way of inserting another sex scene in the movie without using any plot and I have seen David Stanley use this in some of his other movies.

The plot of Rendezvous really started to bog down to me at this point, since it turned mainly into a succession of sex scenes: The next morning when Randy awakes he finds Carmen having sex with the maid, when they move to the bed, Randy leaves for the dining room; in the dining room Randy sees another couple getting hot and heavy with each other and he leaves (only in pornos do people have sex in a dining room occupied by other people......unless I've just been going to the wrong restaurants); then after that sex scene finishes, next up is a sex scene between Carmen and Eric Masterson.

Rendezvous finally gets back on track and turns itself into a romance between Carmen and Randy. The movie has a little bit of a twist ending, which I won't reveal here. I did enjoy the movie, but a lot of that had to do with having three strong XXX actors who were able to carry a humorous but weak and flimsy plot. I grade this one a C

Rendezvous starring Mika Tan, Talon, Carmen Hart, Joanna Angel, Stephanie Tripp, Jamie Huxley, Randy Spears, Eric Masterson, Chris Cannon, Barrett Blade and directed by David Stanley

NOT ANOTHER PORN MOVIE

Just like mainstream movie parodies (Scary Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, etc) Joanna Angel sets out to spoof porn movies and does a damn good job of it. She takes all of the porn cliches: pizza guy, cable guy, nurses, secretaries and uses them to her advantage. The actor/performers are for the most part from the world of Alt Porn. I only mention that, since I know some people get turned off by too many tats.

The plot: Joanna Angel is making a porn movie and nothing seems to go smooth in making the movie, including a protest bunch that follows them around.

Not Another Porn Movie starts with the pizza guy (Tommy Pistol) with the girl (Pinky Lee) who orders pizza and has no money to pay for it and has to work out a payment plan. This scene also lets the viewer in on where that terrible porn music is always coming from

The next scene has the porn actress (Pixie Pearl) who is hard to get along with and who had really rather be someplace else, plus Tommy Pistol is late to the shoot so James Deen has to fill in (pun intended).

After the two scenes from the making of the porn movie, Not Another Porn Movie has Joanna Angel and her assistant/secretary (January Darling) taking a break after a long hard day shooting the movie. There's some comedy bits here also and the scene flows good with the rest of the plot.

Back to shooting the movie, up next is the nurse/patient set up with Jade Jolie and Tommy Pistol, there's some comedy lines here, but what really makes this scene funny is that the sex goes on even longer than the other sex scenes in Not Another Porn Movie (and those scenes are way too long to start with) and Tommy Pistol starts improvising and goes wacko using anything that he can get his hands on.

The last scene in the movie is the only one that seems out of synch with the rest of the movie, maybe it's parodying the fact that some porn movies force an extra sex scene into a movie that doesn't fit. Anyway, Joanna's car breaks down and she needs a tow and James Deen shows up as the tow truck driver, sex ensues.

Not Another Porn Movie had a few problems. The main ones being the sex scenes running too long and the last scene not fitting with the flow of the plot. Still, the movie contains a lot of good comedic lines/situations while letting the air out of some of the hackneyed conventional porn movies that are out there. I can't imagine anyone who enjoys some laughs with their porn wouldn't like this movie. I grade this one a solid B

Not Another Porn Movie starring Joanna Angel, Jade Jolie, Pixie Pearl, Pinky Lee, Tommy Pistol, January Darling, James Deen and directed by Joanna Angel.

Remembrance of Porns Past

Some time in the past decade (about two or three weeks ago), I found myself in a diner in Williamsburg, the Aughts' epicenter of hipster. Never mind what I was doing there. Not important. While in the bathroom stall I looked up and saw scrawled on the wall an advert for Burning Angel.

Usually a sign like that would send me into a Proustian voyage of memory that would lead into extraordinary hours of viewing Burning Angel's archives. But I was already there weeks before, the trigger being a sweet little thing with an asymmetrical haircut, non-sequitur tattoos, funky wardrobe, and telltale orthodontia betraying a suburban upbringing. Yes, the reason I've been spending time in Williamsburg. Whenever she's away, I've been consoling myself with my extensive Burning Angel collection.

So what came to mind in that stall was not the recent video backlog, but something from way back. Way back in 2003 before the site became all about Joanna Angel. I thought about Ash. Sweet sweet Ash and her bottle of vodka. The first and only time I've signed up for a site from a single picture set. It took several girls' pic set, including one from a girl I knew personally, to get me to pay for Suicide Girls later that year. But it was Ash alone who got me digging for my wallet and later digging into my pants.

As much as I avoid solo sets, and prefer video to pictures, Ash put me in a happy place. I have, however, been unable to find her in anything else. The years have gone by. My subscription lapsed. The pics on my laptop disappeared with computer upgrades, crashes, accidental deletions. But I find myself remember her vividly at all the right times. Like this one.

Where have you gone, Ash?