Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 6, Episode 6 Was..."On Crack or Somethin'?"

10. Lactose Intolerable.


You might be wondering what the picture above is. Well, my friends, it's a picture of me and my producer--he simply goes by "Bunnay"--discussing last Sunday's episode of The El. He's trying to convince me that it was an amazing piece of work, the fruit of several dozen talented men and women (mostly women) who have worked incredibly hard to get us to a point where we can have a show like this on television that may not always speak FOR us, but certainly speaks TO us. Bunnay wants me to know we should be truly grateful.

I fired Bunnay moments after this picture was taken.

It's taken me 6 days just to wrap my head around what happened on last Sunday's show. I was honestly completely confused for 90% of it. The only time I wasn't confused was when Helena was on screen. Walking, or talking, or pouting, or drinking, or saying "Fuck off, Jenny." That 10% was as clear as the driven snow. It's not that I loathed this episode. There were some moments that I found amusing/cool/slightly sexy. But uh, for the most part...


9. Mood Poisoning.

I'm still wondering exactly how long Shane was throwing up before Jenny got to her. It felt like forever. I wonder why...oh that's right, cause they frickin SHOWED SHANE THROWING UP. I'm not a fan of like...vomit on screen, in person, or now I realize, in print. Especially seconds after getting the slightest bit aroused by a Shane/Nikki mayhaps sexy moment. And to top it off, they had her throw up on MY CLEMENTINE?? Are you crazy?? Wait, I know the answer to that.

Juno-kudos though to Kate Moennig for being surprisingly great at acting sick.

By the way, where was I when Shane became a photographer? I do remember her taking creepy pics of Molly while she was asleep, but I would have done the same thing. Didn't think it was anything more than a amazingly appropriate reaction to waking up to Clementine Ford hobby. But you know what? Shane should've been a photographer ALL along. It's a MUCH better idea and would work better with the whole growing up in foster care/homeless back story. Cause when exactly did dyky-ass horny & homeless Shane find time to take 600 hours of cosmetology training? I can see her picking up an old SLR and taking some pics to capture human emotion. Hmmm...perhaps in the prequel.

8. Directed by That "Cougar" Guy From "Top Gun"...I KNEW It!
As soon as shit started getting weird at that baby shower, and I Shaned a little in my mouth, I knew this was a Cougar situation. If you'll recall, he directed my least favorite episode of last season too. I'm sure he's a lovely man, probably a great father, son, brother, and friend. A gentleman, I'm sure. But damn it...DAMN IT COUGAR.

And while we're on the subject of fuckery, since when does Kit's body not "respond to its own kind?" Tell that to Papster and Ivan, yo. Also, how could Kit not know that dude was Sunset Blvd? I knew it the first time they showed him on screen. When he's in drag, he doesn't put on a voice at all, his arms are ginormous and what completely straight laced dude would be at this opening? I was half expecting Mangus to pop out of nowhere. He seems like he'd dig this kind of art like whoa.

What's with the contractor chick who doesn't know she's gay? I think it's cute and funny and all that...but didn't that feel more like something that should've/would've happened in Season 1 or 2? It just seemed so...random. I'm tired of complaining. Hmmm...I will say that the lighting and audio work on this episode was impeccable. *sigh*

7. When Kelly Wentworth gets tipsy, she gets SO EXCITED. She gets SO EXCITED.
...And I get SO...SCARED. Not of Elizabeth Berkeley's performance, cause she's doing a great job with what she's being given. But with the episode in general. I played this song over and over during different parts of the episode and rocked back and forth to get me through it.

(Thanks Boo for the head's up on where to find this vid!)


6. Clementine Ford is Still Hot, Even in Pictures...Well, Until Shane Throws UP ON HER FACE, Of Course.



5. I'm Thinking of Starting a Rival Night to Truckstop: Bus Stop.
I loooved when Jenny told Shane that her 12 minute-long or so desperate attempt to find her included a stop at Truckstop. I've mentioned the Friday night *place to be* in West Hollywood (I'm there when I can be!) several times on the blog. I wonder if she was on the list. I wonder if she stopped off at Gay Pizza before jumping back in her car. In case you've never been to the club or seen LOGO's "Gimme Sugar," this is what happens on a typical Friday night at Truckstop:


...I'm surprised that bitch ever left the place.


4. Taffy Lite


I am appreciative of the random Jaimie boobs in the shower because it meant not only did we get to see her luscious boobs, but we got to see them wet. Credit where credit's due. Boob... But...there are only 2 episodes left, and if they don't get these bitches into a like....18 minute threesome in one of those episodes, I'm callin' a foul on the play. Seriously y'all. This is some clit tease bullshit for sure. I wouldn't be so worked up if it were like, middle of Season 4 or some junk...but come on...what you talkin' bout willis??

I was also appreciative of the Alice/Tasha quickie on the couch. Cool beans. Whatevs. Didn't have me reaching over my bed with the only hand I had available to call my peeps about it, like every scene involving Rachel Shelley does but it was cool for what it was. I wanted to pick Tasha up and place her ever-so-gently in the shower. Then ruuuun back into the living room and pick up Alice and place her riiiight on the other side of Jaimie's wet body. THAT my friends, is direction. Now...action!

3. Jane Lynch Saves Everything, All The Time.
I was just about to unscrew my doorknob to throw it at the screen, when Jane Lynch magically appeared. I slowly backed away from my door, sat back down, and giggled for a few hundred seconds. She just makes EVERYTHING better.

2. Sing it With Me: Oompa, Lompa, Do Pa De Do, I've Got Another Puzzle For You. Oompa, Loompa, Do Pa De Da, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT??

Not sure if that's exactly how the song is supposed to go, but I found my creative muse at around 6 minutes into the episode when I was literally stunned silent, with my mouth agape. I don't remember much from the accident, I just know that Max was humiliated in more ways than I could count, Jenny was crazier than EVER, and that Bette & Tina's stroller gift was lovely, except that putting hot coffee within 2 and half inches of a newborns leg doesn't seem like the BEST idea they've ever had. When they finally have a child, they'll know. ...oh wait.
*coughwheresbabygirlcough*


1. Helena's Taken to the Sauce, and Dylan's Taken to Being a Bloody Fool.

For the first 2 minutes of the show, Dylan is the smartest woman ALIVE. She didn't wanna be there (neither did I), she couldn't stop thinking about what and who went down the night before (neither could I), and all she wanted to do was hit that again (goes without saying, really). And then fastforward 45 awkward seconds and the unthinkable happens: Dylan leaves Helena...AGAIN. Are you serious?? I could understand her being bummed and embarrassed...but this bitch lied to Helena, then FRAMED her to embezzle millions (right? it better have been...hmph), and then left her beautiful ass high and dry. Ahem...wait...just got an unrelated image......

*pause*

...aaaand I'm back! Dylan, do me a favor baby and come here. Naw, come closer to the screen. Close your eyes and listen carefully:

What...in the bloody hell...were ya thinkin'? You crazy?? That's Helena, yo. HELL-ENA. Sometimes her bra is on when you do her. Sometimes it's off. But either way you slice it, that's HELENA you got there. *deep breath*

I know what happened to her. She snapped. I think these poets say it best in this video:



BONUS!!

This one goes out to my readers!

I didn't realize how many people dug my Top 10 lists until I was uber late posting this one, and I felt the wrath of the impatient lesbian masses:-) Since I only get anywhere from 15-40 comments on these lists each week, I figured it wouldn't be missed if I was sneaky and skipped a week. But oh no...how wrong I was! And that's FRICKIN AWESOME:-) Thanks so much for reading and for caring. This one's...for you. I hope you treasure it, embrace it, and live by it every single day: