Clementine Comes Out Of Closet (Again), So I Come Out Of Hiding

Yeah, I've totally been m.i.a. on the blog and myspace recently, I know. But if you follow me on Twitter or are my friend on Facebook, you know that I'm still alive, still busy and still crushin' on the ladies.

One such crush is of course Clementine Ford (aka "Molly" on the L Word). Over the past few weeks she's "come out" on the cover of DIVA, gone back into the closet in an interview with TVGuide.com and now most recently, come BACK out of the closet in the Advocate (click here to read the new interview!). It's all a long story, but the short version is this: Clementine is gay, y'all, or whatever label works for you that means she likes making sweet love to the ladies. She's not ashamed of it. She never denied it. She was misquoted in Diva and felt her fans were mislead by the cover's text. And when she tried to explain that in TVGuide, she was once again misrepresented.

I think this means Ms. Clementine just needs to do more video interviews (*cough*withME!*cough) in the future.

She doesn't want her sexual orientation to be the first thing you think of when you see/hear her. Lucky for her, it's not! The first thing I think of when I see/hear Clementine Ford? It goes a little something like this:

*thud*
"Wow. That hurt and this floor is sticky. I should really stand up again cause its embarrassing down here. Wonder if she saw me fall. Ooh...Clementine's really hot even from this angle. Her eyes sparkle, like an angel's would. I'm of course just assuming since I've never seen a real angel in person. Unless you count that time Rachel Shelley gave me a sponge bath in a standalone tub in my dream Rome. I wonder if those are color contacts. Prolly not cause they wouldn't make em sparkle like that. Hmm, wonder if she's single. Prolly so. Wonder if she likes chubby black girls with a decent sense of humor who don't enunciate enough. Wonder if she shops at Target like me. Wonder if she has a car...so she can drive us around on our dates. Sparkly eyes...sweet smile...oh, and would you look at that: cleavage. The full package. I should really, REALLY stand up now."

So there you go...but hey Clem, next time you get interviewed and you're tired of talking about this subject, just send the interviewer this clip and come meet me for a drink instead:

Zorrita amateur con su nuevo juguete

Bailey: The Gateway Drug to BBW Porn

It began innocently enough. I was 18, fresh out of Boot Camp and checking onto my first ship. After that first day was over with I hopped onto my rack to sleep. As I was about to hit the light, I saw something poking out from under the mattress.

An issue of Plumpers magazine, left over from the previous tenant. Up until then, my porn content had been mainstream stuff—and I mean stuff that was mainstream in the 90's—Club and Cherie magazine, High Society, and Penthouse and the occasional Hustler, Scramble Porn, compilation tapes surreptitiously ordered from Adam and Eve catalogues. I had lived 18 years on the planet without ever seeing a fat girl naked. I'd thought about it sometimes on an intellectual level. It probably would've stayed that way if I had never found that Plumpers. Hell, I'm willing to bet that if there had been one of those disgusting, hyper-obese women on the cover, i would've burned the magazine immediately, albeit remain scarred for life. But no, I was greeted with the cute smiling face of Bailey, complete with a pair of white fuck-me go go boots. I was done for. I felt something awake in my nether regions and the idea of naked fat girls was no longer just an intellectual curiosity.

Bailey to me at the time was one of those cute girls you never thought you'd see nude because she didn't fit the body paradigm of anyone I had seen naked up to that point. Do you remember the days when porn was free of amputees, septuagenarians, ouvert crackheads and homeless chicks, and scat set to creepy music? Sure they were always out there but it wasn't so easy to find. Simpler days.

She was as cute a button. The type of girl who was friends with the insecure hot girl because of her self esteem building powers. In high school you were kind of attracted to her but you were afraid of the shit you'd get for admitting it. And guys, including you, would only talk to her as a way to getting to her hot friend. It's a symbiotic relationship between those two when you think about it.

Now here she is, completely stripped, and no one around to fuck with you about what you felt. I did what felt natural.

And in no time, I fell into the rabbit-hole that is the world of BBW porn. Pretty soon I was scoring my own issues of Plumpers. I moved on to other BBW publications, videos. Attending BBW parties. Sex with a few. Even dated a couple of chubby girls. I struggled with it as I became more open with it. Most of all I didn't want to be that clichéd black guy who was into fat, mostly white, chicks (I don't go a week without seeing that cliché walking down the street).

But as time went on it went from being an oddity that I kept hidden to more of a piece of a wide spectrum of types of women I like. And boy is that spectrum is wide. You have to figure that one Wonder Tracy has to equal four or five Morgan Laynes.

Thinking back on Bailey recently I can't help but think how much of a gateway drug she proved to be. Because I did end up lusting after the disgusting hyper-obese ones for a while(don't worry, I'll keep those to a minimum here). In fact she revolutionized my entire life. I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing. There are people I suppose who are still trying to decide whether their raging heroin addiction is a good thing. Either way, finding more of her stuff (in fact finding that plumper's magazine) has been something of a holy grail for me. And if I find that she's done hardcore, well, I'm in heaven.

Chaz: The other BBW gateway drug