Black Gold, Son.

Let me tell you how excited I am about the new Black Swan movie:

Yesterday, I high-fived a stranger at a bar when he mentioned the title, and its not even coming out 'til December.

Unfortunately, that led to a conversation that made me once again realize what sets apart straight dudes** from lesbian lesbians. He made a really effed up comment about a "fat chick" being a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, and a "fat chick with a nice face" being a 7. I wanted to scissor kick him in his pie hole for saying it, but looking into those clueless eyes made me realize it would seriously do no good.

**not all dudes suck, but this one certainly did.

Wondering what all the Black Swan hub bub is about? Um...ok I have 7 words for you: Mila. Kunis. and. Natalie. Portman. doin'. it.

I will give you all a moment to regain your composure (and the bras you've tossed at your screens) and then...you should press 'play':


Note to self: Take up competitive ballet, STAT.

Now kids, 2 years ago I introduced you to a little 7-minute piece of heaven I like to call: "Arlan's dreams come true. Hard. All about your person." For this isn't Mila's first time at the gay rodeo. Oh no my friends...not at 'tall. When Mila Kunis does something, she does it RIGHT. She starts with the best and stays with the best.

Find a quiet place at your crib, light a candle, strip down to your tank and lady-boxers, take a picture of this and email it to me STAT and press ye olde 'play' button. I give you Mila. Kunis. and. Zoe. Saldana. doin'. it. :


Once again, you are welcome. I'll be taking hugs by the merch booth after the show. Come say 'hi'!