SINGING! DANCING! SEX! Can Porn Carry A Tune?

You've already watched Glee this week, but you're still in the mood for a musical. Why not try a Porn Musical?

The first porn musical
I ever saw was Alice
in Wonderland. This movie had top notch production with great sets and actual acting and singing. Alice in Wonderland is equal to any made for TV movie musical that you would have seen during the same time period. As far as the sex in the movie, it starts out rather tame, but eventually builds to regular 70s porno sex. I would definitely recommended Alice In Wonderland for anyone interested in a unique porno spoof with singing and dancing. Alice in Wonderland was so good that all future porn musicals I have seen have had to be graded to this level of perfection. The only bad thing I can say about this movie is that the transfer to DVD was sort of faded and a little dark. I grade this one an A.

stars: Bradfor Armdexter, Gila, J.P. Paradine, Juliet Graham, Kristine DeBell, Melvina Peoples, Nancy Dare, Sue Tsengoles, Terri Hall, Alan Novak, Bruce Finklesteen, John Lawrence, Larry Spelman, Ron Nelson, Tony Tsengoles and directed by Bud Townsend


The next porn musical that I saw was Swinging in The Rain. The sets were really cheap looking showing that not much money was invested in this production. All the actors sing and the songs lyrics go with the scenes showing that some thought was put into them. I was disappointed that this wasn't a spoof of Singing in The Rain, but instead was a musical history of movies through the ages. However, that really doesn't matter much since the plot was dull, the sex was dull, and the movie winds up just being dull. I was especially disappointed in this one, since it was a Cash Markman movie and I'm usually a little more pleased with his movies. I grade this one a C-

stars: Alex Dane, Brittany Andrews, Frank Bukkwyd, Joel Lawrence, Michael J. Cox, Mike Horner, Morgan Fairlane, Nicole London, Nikki Sinn, Ron Jeremy, Steve Austin, Zasu Knight and directed by Cash Markman


Recently, I rented Misty Beethoven: The Musical. Since The Opening of Misty Beethoven was a porno take on Pygmalion, this musical version of course was a porn take on My Fair Lady. The movie starts out promising, with the actors overdubbing what sounds like their own voices. Some of the songs in the movie reminded me of songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and most of the songs that had this sound fared better than the other songs in the production. However, overall this movie just didn't have any oomph!. The plot drags from one musical number to the next musical number. Except for Asia Carrera bringing heat to her scene, the other sex scenes were uninspired to say the least. The only other good scene in the movie was Evan Stone who does a great song showing a lot of emotion in his voice for his unrequited love. I grade this one a C-

stars: Asia Carrera, Lezley Zen, Chloe, Mia Smiles, Michelle Lay, Ava Vincent, Julie Meadows, Sunset Thomas, Misty Mason, Kelly Steele, Randy Spears, Mike Horner and directed by Veronica Hart


One last movie I am going to include is Chatterbox, which isn't a porno, but is a softcore movie from 1977. The basic plot of Chatterbox is that a woman's vagina can talk and it not only talks, but sings and it sings a lot all the way through the movie. While this is a super cute idea and funny for a while, the joke wears a bit thin over the 70 plus minutes running time. I know I normally complain about too many and too long sex scenes, but if a couple of hardcore scenes had been thrown into Chatterbox to break up the on-going humor, it would have made one hell of a great porno. I understand that Chatterbox is a remake/rip-off of a hardcore 1975 French film called Pussy Talk, so possibly the French version would be a little better. I still grade this one a C+.

stars: Candice Rialson, Larry Gelman, Jane Kean, Perry Bullington, Arlene Martel, Michael Taylor, Cynthia Hoppenfield, Robert Lipton, Rip Taylor, Professor Irwin Corey and directed by Tom DeSimone


I have read that Axel Braun is in pre-production on Grease XXX, which is supposed to run 4 hours. I'm going to hold out hope that it can measure up to Alice in Wonderland. In the meantime, I guess I can re-watch Alice in Wonderland or just tune into Glee and imagine that they're all naked!!!!