Michael Dillinger had asked Stacy Gerber to marry him before, but it took a suggestion from a Greenwich rabbi for the two men to decide they would finally tie the knot after 12 years together.

The couple, who live in Manhattan, own a catering and events-planning business, and had been working an event at the Greenwich Reform Synagogue late last year, shortly after Rabbi Andrew Sklarz had joined the congregation.

"The rabbi just said, 'When are the two of you getting married?' " Gerber recalled.

"It made me stand back for a bit."

This evening, Gerber and Dillinger, 57, will became the first same-sex couple to be married at the Stanwich Road synagogue. Connecticut began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples last November, after a decision by the state Supreme Court.

Gerber, 63, said he had hesitated when Dillinger proposed before, after Massachusetts became the first state to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry in 2004, because he was from a generation that wasn't as open about homosexuality.

"I always sort of operated on a don't-ask, don't-tell policy," Gerber said. "It was important to (Michael). This is sort of groundbreaking, in a way. I think it's important at this time that I leave my mark honestly."

It's also groundbreaking for the synagogue, as the ceremony will be the first legal same-sex marriage to take place in its sanctuary.

Sklarz has conducted commitment ceremonies before, when he was a rabbi in Pennsylvania, which has not legalized same-sex marriage or civil unions.

Rabbis can decide whether to preside over weddings of same-sex couples themselves, although those in the Reform movement have long supported the rights of gays and lesbians.

"I made the suggestion because I knew they were in a very committed relationship," Sklarz said. "I think when you put something within in a holy context, it imbues it with spirituality and elevates the relationship."

Gerber was raised in the Orthodox Jewish tradition, and has been involved in the Jewish community through his business. He said he wanted his relationship to be "recognized by a higher power."

Dillinger was raised as a Catholic, and while the Catholic Church is against same-sex marriage, he has long identified with his faith. For years he was involved with Dignity, group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Catholics, serving on the national board of directors in the 1980s, and he participated in a documentary about being gay and Catholic.

"Personally, I've always had a very strong feeling for me that being gay was not an obstacle to God, it was a gift," Dillinger said.

When Dillinger approached his mother about getting married by a rabbi, she gave him her blessing.

The couple will host 130 guests -- including radio personality Howard Stern, who is Gerber's cousin -- at the synagogue and later at Meadowlands, a historic mansion in Darien.

Stern, who got married himself last fall to long-time girlfriend Beth Ostrosky, came out in support of same-sex marriage earlier this year on his satellite radio show.

"We have a responsibility "¦ to make gay marriage acceptable and to make gays feel accepted as much as heterosexuals," Stern said in April. "What is this hang-up with gay marriage? Who cares? Get on with your life."

Dillinger is one of 11 children, and the last to get married. He said while he didn't feel the wedding will change his and Gerber's relationship.

"The point is to stand up publicly," Dillinger said. "This is who we are. We're as entitled to this as anybody else."

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