Saturday, February 28, 2009

Nita Thalia Doing Funny Goyang Heboh

Some say Nita Thalia is the next Eva Arnaz, sexy naughty and bitchy. Nita apparently is also a humorist. See the video below, Nita Thalia was doing funny "goyang heboh" at GONG Show.

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 6, Episode 6 Was..."On Crack or Somethin'?"

10. Lactose Intolerable.


You might be wondering what the picture above is. Well, my friends, it's a picture of me and my producer--he simply goes by "Bunnay"--discussing last Sunday's episode of The El. He's trying to convince me that it was an amazing piece of work, the fruit of several dozen talented men and women (mostly women) who have worked incredibly hard to get us to a point where we can have a show like this on television that may not always speak FOR us, but certainly speaks TO us. Bunnay wants me to know we should be truly grateful.

I fired Bunnay moments after this picture was taken.

It's taken me 6 days just to wrap my head around what happened on last Sunday's show. I was honestly completely confused for 90% of it. The only time I wasn't confused was when Helena was on screen. Walking, or talking, or pouting, or drinking, or saying "Fuck off, Jenny." That 10% was as clear as the driven snow. It's not that I loathed this episode. There were some moments that I found amusing/cool/slightly sexy. But uh, for the most part...


9. Mood Poisoning.


I'm still wondering exactly how long Shane was throwing up before Jenny got to her. It felt like forever. I wonder why...oh that's right, cause they frickin SHOWED SHANE THROWING UP. I'm not a fan of like...vomit on screen, in person, or now I realize, in print. Especially seconds after getting the slightest bit aroused by a Shane/Nikki mayhaps sexy moment. And to top it off, they had her throw up on MY CLEMENTINE?? Are you crazy?? Wait, I know the answer to that.

Juno-kudos though to Kate Moennig for being surprisingly great at acting sick.

By the way, where was I when Shane became a photographer? I do remember her taking creepy pics of Molly while she was asleep, but I would have done the same thing. Didn't think it was anything more than a amazingly appropriate reaction to waking up to Clementine Ford hobby. But you know what? Shane should've been a photographer ALL along. It's a MUCH better idea and would work better with the whole growing up in foster care/homeless back story. Cause when exactly did dyky-ass horny & homeless Shane find time to take 600 hours of cosmetology training? I can see her picking up an old SLR and taking some pics to capture human emotion. Hmmm...perhaps in the prequel.

8. Directed by That "Cougar" Guy From "Top Gun"...I KNEW It!

As soon as shit started getting weird at that baby shower, and I Shaned a little in my mouth, I knew this was a Cougar situation. If you'll recall, he directed my least favorite episode of last season too. I'm sure he's a lovely man, probably a great father, son, brother, and friend. A gentleman, I'm sure. But damn it...DAMN IT COUGAR.

And while we're on the subject of fuckery, since when does Kit's body not "respond to its own kind?" Tell that to Papster and Ivan, yo. Also, how could Kit not know that dude was Sunset Blvd? I knew it the first time they showed him on screen. When he's in drag, he doesn't put on a voice at all, his arms are ginormous and what completely straight laced dude would be at this opening? I was half expecting Mangus to pop out of nowhere. He seems like he'd dig this kind of art like whoa.

What's with the contractor chick who doesn't know she's gay? I think it's cute and funny and all that...but didn't that feel more like something that should've/would've happened in Season 1 or 2? It just seemed so...random. I'm tired of complaining. Hmmm...I will say that the lighting and audio work on this episode was impeccable. *sigh*

7. When Kelly Wentworth gets tipsy, she gets SO EXCITED. She gets SO EXCITED.

...And I get SO...SCARED. Not of Elizabeth Berkeley's performance, cause she's doing a great job with what she's being given. But with the episode in general. I played this song over and over during different parts of the episode and rocked back and forth to get me through it.

(Thanks Boo for the head's up on where to find this vid!)


6. Clementine Ford is Still Hot, Even in Pictures...Well, Until Shane Throws UP ON HER FACE, Of Course.



5. I'm Thinking of Starting a Rival Night to Truckstop: Bus Stop.
I loooved when Jenny told Shane that her 12 minute-long or so desperate attempt to find her included a stop at Truckstop. I've mentioned the Friday night *place to be* in West Hollywood (I'm there when I can be!) several times on the blog. I wonder if she was on the list. I wonder if she stopped off at Gay Pizza before jumping back in her car. In case you've never been to the club or seen LOGO's "Gimme Sugar," this is what happens on a typical Friday night at Truckstop:


...I'm surprised that bitch ever left the place.


4. Taffy Lite


I am appreciative of the random Jaimie boobs in the shower because it meant not only did we get to see her luscious boobs, but we got to see them wet. Credit where credit's due. Boob... But...there are only 2 episodes left, and if they don't get these bitches into a like....18 minute threesome in one of those episodes, I'm callin' a foul on the play. Seriously y'all. This is some clit tease bullshit for sure. I wouldn't be so worked up if it were like, middle of Season 4 or some junk...but come on...what you talkin' bout willis??

I was also appreciative of the Alice/Tasha quickie on the couch. Cool beans. Whatevs. Didn't have me reaching over my bed with the only hand I had available to call my peeps about it, like every scene involving Rachel Shelley does but it was cool for what it was. I wanted to pick Tasha up and place her ever-so-gently in the shower. Then ruuuun back into the living room and pick up Alice and place her riiiight on the other side of Jaimie's wet body. THAT my friends, is direction. Now...action!

3. Jane Lynch Saves Everything, All The Time.
I was just about to unscrew my doorknob to throw it at the screen, when Jane Lynch magically appeared. I slowly backed away from my door, sat back down, and giggled for a few hundred seconds. She just makes EVERYTHING better.

2. Sing it With Me: Oompa, Lompa, Do Pa De Do, I've Got Another Puzzle For You. Oompa, Loompa, Do Pa De Da, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT??

Not sure if that's exactly how the song is supposed to go, but I found my creative muse at around 6 minutes into the episode when I was literally stunned silent, with my mouth agape. I don't remember much from the accident, I just know that Max was humiliated in more ways than I could count, Jenny was crazier than EVER, and that Bette & Tina's stroller gift was lovely, except that putting hot coffee within 2 and half inches of a newborns leg doesn't seem like the BEST idea they've ever had. When they finally have a child, they'll know. ...oh wait.
*coughwheresbabygirlcough*


1. Helena's Taken to the Sauce, and Dylan's Taken to Being a Bloody Fool.

For the first 2 minutes of the show, Dylan is the smartest woman ALIVE. She didn't wanna be there (neither did I), she couldn't stop thinking about what and who went down the night before (neither could I), and all she wanted to do was hit that again (goes without saying, really). And then fastforward 45 awkward seconds and the unthinkable happens: Dylan leaves Helena...AGAIN. Are you serious?? I could understand her being bummed and embarrassed...but this bitch lied to Helena, then FRAMED her to embezzle millions (right? it better have been...hmph), and then left her beautiful ass high and dry. Ahem...wait...just got an unrelated image......

*pause*

...aaaand I'm back! Dylan, do me a favor baby and come here. Naw, come closer to the screen. Close your eyes and listen carefully:

What...in the bloody hell...were ya thinkin'? You crazy?? That's Helena, yo. HELL-ENA. Sometimes her bra is on when you do her. Sometimes it's off. But either way you slice it, that's HELENA you got there. *deep breath*

I know what happened to her. She snapped. I think these poets say it best in this video:



BONUS!!

This one goes out to my readers!

I didn't realize how many people dug my Top 10 lists until I was uber late posting this one, and I felt the wrath of the impatient lesbian masses:-) Since I only get anywhere from 15-40 comments on these lists each week, I figured it wouldn't be missed if I was sneaky and skipped a week. But oh no...how wrong I was! And that's FRICKIN AWESOME:-) Thanks so much for reading and for caring. This one's...for you. I hope you treasure it, embrace it, and live by it every single day:

The Humiliation Merchant

by I. Humphrey

By Howard Stern's own admission, his show is all about humiliation. One might venture to write that Howard views himself as the Christopher Columbus of Humiliation, or at the very least a patent holder in it's usage as a tool for entertainment. When Howard claims the show, Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader is his invention, what he really is regarding as his creation is the adroit usage of humiliation as performance art for a modern callous society. 

Of course humiliation, and ridicule have long been a staple of entertainment, even when it's camouflaged in the news media. Boxing has a humiliation component. Perhaps it's just human nature to want to witness the misfortunes of others from a position of safety and comfort. How else can one explain gossip or rubbernecking at traffic accidents? What's the gruesome attraction? Does it start in childhood with a fascination of scary things, and monsters? Maybe it blooms in puberty when boys delight in all that is gross. This is the foundation of locker-room humor.

Nor is the craving for viewing humiliation the provenance of only the dimwitted, as the quick-witted crave it every bit as much. The erudite lover of humiliation even has an affectionate name for it -- wit. If you can humiliate someone or something with style then you're called "witty" and will be a hit at parties. You might even be compared to the famous virtuoso of wit, Oscar Wilde. However, if your humiliation skills are limited, then you will be a social pariah, and labeled as crude or worse.

From what dark place did Howard Stern's penchant for humiliation take root? You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to know the answer to this question. Obviously the seeds for a career in humiliation were sown by the same man who sowed the seeds for Howard's creation, Benjamin Stern. Of course, Ben was aided, and abetted in his Frankenstein-like endeavors by his sharp-tongued wife, Rae Stern. To prove my point, all one has to do is listen to the childhood tapes of Howard's dad yelling at him while his mother was in the room. What could be more humiliating for a sensitive child than to have his father call him stupid and a moron, all with his mother's approval? Lenny Bruce would say Rae and Ben were merely channeling behaviors ingrained in Jews since they suffered humiliation as slaves at the hands of the Egyptians during the building of the pyramids or as diarists humiliated at the height of the Third Reich. Such are the Darwinian origins of Howard's skills as a humiliationist. There, now I've coined a new word. I'll let Howard claim the credit.

One can use geography to run away, but it's impossible to escape what's in our own heads. And hanging curtains in our minds as a way to hide the things that pain us is futile. It's called denial. It's also necessary for survival as a functional, or semi-functional member of society. I submit that while Howard knows his show is all about humiliation, he's never really taken responsibility for it, and doesn't fully understand it. This is why Howard's visits to his shrink will never accomplish anything.

The day Howard acknowledges, that while his show is entertaining, it contributes nothing, is the day Howard will be on the road to self-actualization, and recovery. The Howard Stern Show doesn't make anyone better for having experienced it. All of which is fine, but what I take umbrage with is Howard, Robin, Fred, and Gary's frequent insistences that they are morally better than others. As one example of this, Howard recently said on-air that he had a problem with Rosie O'Donnell's honesty regarding her homosexuality. Coming from a person who hid his own nose job, and who used his power to prevent rival radio show hosts from mentioning him, this behavior lacks all credibility.

My opinion on all this is Howard should cut the sanctimonious bullshit, and own up to his moral inferiority. None of us are fooled.  Rescuing all the injured birds that seek refuge on his multi-million dollar Hamptons mansion will not redeem his soul or erase the memory of his lack of action when Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was rotting in jail, or the time he played with Debra Tay's cremated remains.

Humiliation is like heroin, the more you take, the more you need to get the same high. This is why Howard created Howard 100 News. The so-called reporters handle the humiliation heavy-lifting, and do the dirty-work Howard wants to enjoy, while at the same time distance himself from. This is how a loyal fan of the show like Captain Janks can have his dirty laundry aired on-air as a way to feed Howard's unending need to humiliate others. Janks has long been a willing participant in humiliating others for Howard's enjoyment, so on some level I suppose it's only fair he get humiliated too. However, I find it sad. I wonder how much Howard's publicizing of Janks legal troubles contributed and led to his prosecution. I also find it hypocritical as Howard prevents Howard 100 News from reporting on many aspects of his own life such as when his daughter appeared in the altogether in an Off-Off Broadway play. 

When we as fans listen to the show, for our own sanity, and to prevent ourselves from being so enamored with the art of humiliation that we victimize those we love,  we must be mindful of the poison we consume. Humiliation is key to understanding The Howard Stern Show, it is in fact, The Rosetta Stone for The Howard Stern Show. You've been warned.

Next time you listen to the show, try putting on a pair of glasses with humiliation lenses. It will be a revelation.

For Howard Shrine Spews and Views, this is I. Humphrey singing, "I feel witty, oh so witty, oh so witty and gay, beyaaatch!"

Captain Janks charged with theft

Captain Janks, known for 'Howard Stern Show' pranks, charged with theft
by Express-Times staff

Thursday February 26, 2009, 12:24 PM

Captain Janks, known for his prank phone calls on the "Howard Stern Show" has been accused of accepting money for bookings but never showing up to perform.

"Captain Janks," known for his prank phone calls on the "Howard Stern show" is not laughing today.

The 42-year-old North Wales, Pa., man, whose real name is Thomas Cipriano, has run into some trouble with the law. The prankster turned himself into authorities Wednesday for allegedly accepting money for a booking, but never actually making an appearance.

Barbara Seguine, who runs the Landslide Restaurant and Saloon, paid Captain Janks $350 to come to the bar on Route 173 in Bethlehem Township, N.J. But then, she says, he didn't show up, didn't call to cancel and didn't refund her money.

He was arraigned on the theft charge and released until a future court date.

A blogger spoke out on the "Howard Stern Show" Feb. 19 about how the "Whack Pack" member allegedly often pulls similar scams, according to a report in The Patriot-News.

Mike Van Jura, a talent booker for Appalachian Brewing Co. in Harrisburg, who blogs at jerseymike.org, said Captain Janks has been calling bars and clubs up and down the East Coast, booking appearances, pocketing money and never showing up.

Van Jura blogged about his experience getting ripped off by Captain Janks

source

Friday, February 27, 2009

GREAT STAR TREK SPOOF

XXX TREK: THE FINAL ORGASM, Director Cash Markman , Starring Angelica Sin, Farrah, Obsession, Candy Apples, Steve Austin, Capt. Bob, Ron Bogel, Rich Handsome, Mike Horner, Rex Mundi, Harry Palms, Danielle Rogers, Randy Spears

While this movie is not up there with the best of the spoof pornos, it's still a lot of fun. Cheesy Sets just like on Star Trek, Cheesy Acting just like on Star Trek and an added bonus Cheesy Jokes. A young looking Randy Spears and Bob Horner were cast perfectly. So if you like a little laughing with your porno, this one's for you. If you don't have much of a sense of humor, best to pass this one on by.

Pink Makes Out With Herself...An Encore Performance in Case You Missed It...



I think at about 2 minutes into this video, a few dozen angels got their wings and a few thousand lesbians lost their damn minds. I know I did:



This next vid was recorded this past Tuesday in France at her new "Funhouse" concert. Just when you thought she couldn't be hotter or more talented:



Europeans and Australians are SOOO lucky right now!!

Cute Chinese : Baby Zhang Han Yun


















































Cute Chinese : Baby Zhang Han Yun